Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
