I can't breathe out the right side of my face
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
