She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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