Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
