i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
