If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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