the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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