I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
