if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
