pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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