they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
