Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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