new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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