I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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