Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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