awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
