it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
