I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
