She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.