I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...