Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i would rim the shit out of meg ryan

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  (630): i would rim the shit out of meg ryan http://tfl.nu/j227
  Replies (23) Good night (1078) Bad night (2440)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.

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  (972): Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition. http://tfl.nu/d2b2
  Replies (20) Good night (2586) Bad night (828)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.

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  (301): Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow. http://tfl.nu/rpb6
  Replies (37) Good night (2963) Bad night (4346)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.

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  (281): Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up. http://tfl.nu/tbqv
  Replies (18) Good night (1334) Bad night (3920)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life

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  (469): Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life http://tfl.nu/9mja
  Replies (15) Good night (859) Bad night (5009)
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  (347): View more from New York

  triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?

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  (347): triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time? http://tfl.nu/50jt
  Replies (15) Good night (3931) Bad night (957)
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something

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  (567): He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something http://tfl.nu/zff9
  Replies (5) Good night (1165) Bad night (683)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".

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  (857): You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar". http://tfl.nu/eikz
  Replies (2) Good night (1389) Bad night (797)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.

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  (937): The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you. http://tfl.nu/7sfe
  Replies (3) Good night (705) Bad night (484)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.

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  (314): your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning. http://tfl.nu/cyj6
  Replies (3) Good night (1239) Bad night (439)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Also, beer. Big fan.

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  (256): Also, beer. Big fan. http://tfl.nu/g295
  Replies (1) Good night (833) Bad night (336)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Still. Make it happen

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  (215): Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both" (1-215): Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen. (1-215): Still. Make it happen http://tfl.nu/b78c
  Replies (3) Good night (819) Bad night (468)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.

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  (775): This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark. http://tfl.nu/xozo
  Replies (8) Good night (967) Bad night (512)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here

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  (306): had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious (1-306): that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here http://tfl.nu/w93t
  Replies (1) Good night (735) Bad night (370)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.

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  (520): I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me. http://tfl.nu/9wk5
  Replies (2) Good night (440) Bad night (196)

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