It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
