to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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