shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
