You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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