If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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