and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
