We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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