He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
