he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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