He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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