I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
