where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
