omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
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Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
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Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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