If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
