Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
