I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
