i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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