In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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