Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize