Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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