One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
