I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
