Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
