Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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