Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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