I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
