You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
