He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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