i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
