You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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