hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Is it penis luge time yet?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
