I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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