Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
