wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
