...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
