She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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