Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
