Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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I have so many feelings about this burrito
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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