im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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