I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
