Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
