I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
