i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
