and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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