I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just found puke in my bra..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
