I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I faked an abortion last night.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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