What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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