dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
