i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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