Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
