Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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