woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I could fuck to npr.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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