I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
